Zip codes

She moves across countries,
zip codes changing like the whispered secrets,
carrying her offspring’s dreams gently in her hands.

Her heart still wanders the home she once knew,
while new walls stand quiet, 
waiting for the laughter, the light, the footprints... of memories yet to be made.

She has grown in years,
yet the child within still long for the comfort,
learning to navigate the ache of loss,
the emptiness that lingers in quiet corners.

And still she rises,
filling the void with small sparks of courage,
holding on to hope,
believing in the gentle glow...of the light at the end of the tunnel.

.

The Connection. . .

The Connection

Let the connection be so entrenched that no matter how much time you spend apart from your loved ones, uncountable be the miles, you can still be sure of continuation . . .,you can be sure of doing chappad-chappad(talking) like you were never apart, you can still be sure of your place in each others' heart. Place that only you/they own, place that is yours/theirs, place that can never be taken by your/their passing showers, place that will always have its doors open for you, no matter what come may. And most importantly, you will be there for them and stand by them what come may-june-jully. ;)

I’m grateful to the external force for bringing such souls in my life; for whom I feel, what I feel, that which is amorphous, but by which I can stand by for eternity.

Give thanks to him who formed all things, for his steadfast love endures for ever.

One of my most favorite verse out of this particular bestseller-of-all-time is: 

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love."

Hope : The anchor for my soul...
Be the one to guide me... but never hold me down. <3 td="">

Featured image source

♡ somebody enough to....

Love somebody enough to hold back on those words, so that, you mean what you say when you say it.

Don’t use it carelessly, don’t use it loosely…

When you just want to bed a girl, say you lust her, don’t say you love ♡ her.

When you just wanna get f***ed, say it, don’t lead him on.

If something is for a span of time, state it.

Those 3 words hold a time life commitment, foundation of somebody’s dreams.

No, you need-not be with that person forever, but, you have this obligation of being there for that person whenever, where-so-ever.

 So, when you are not sure of it DON’T say it.

Say it, when you don’t have that asterisk (*) of conditions applied to your ♥ .

Say it, when you are capable enough of carrying the RESPONSIBILITY that comes with it.

Say it, when you can trust them enough to give them wings.

Say it, if you can be their strength, not weakness.

Say it, when they are your WANT, not just your NEED.

Say it, when you can handle them at their worst.

Say it, as and when you MEAN it. As and when you feel it, as and when you don’t have second thoughts about it.

Shower them with love so pure that their ego vanishes in air.

Last and not the least, Love somebody enough to let go and still be their very own personalized guardian angel…..

PS: There is tons of difference between “I love you ” and “love you”. :)

2nd January 2012 8:21 pm

Wish you a Happy & Prosperous New Year!

When you are happy then you sing and shake your bum..la la la

When you are happy then you sing and shake your bum , then you get DRUNKKK o0o la la 

We had fun  fun fun! But despite the coward, jazz and glitter going on till dawn I felt so downright l’ONE’ly. If you observe the lonely word properly, the  spell is made of ONE  with two ll<< like walls around in it. And after that wall come “y”. It seems like that word itself is trying to question you why why why??

Why do you choose to feel it?

Why that ‘only if ……’ runs on your mind?

.

.

Why you don’t want me to type more of WHY’s? :P chal nah …jane de…

2^nd January 2012 22:50 pm

What New Year Resolutions? No, I just have a rough idea of to-do and not-to-do list. Ya, I was just so busy that I didn’t get time to chalk them out properly. Or rather I didn’t take time out for it.

Re-sol-u-tions: blah!

1.    Prioritize stuff in every sphere of life.

2.    Frugal living. Go jungli-billi style eco-friendly in ways possible and affordable to me.

3.   ~secret~

4.   ~secret~

5.   ~secret~

6.   ~secret~

7.    <3 you more in my own way :P ( YoU== Me, I, Myself, my twin soul, BFFs(Pink-kad, Jelly, PL, MMXI, IX, Fio,Tee), kaminEEy and cartooN, elements hereby are subjected to change in accordance with what I figure out with time :P or else won’t mind making love in platonic way to what I thought you were. Someday, someday i will ditch my fairy and vampire tales and come to terms with reality. Stay out of trouble, ohhhh bubble.).

I am going to assume the Mayan hoax to be true and start living like this is ‘the end year’. How else would I be able to get rid of the output of laziness I am dwelling on  @ procrastination?

31st December,2011 : 8:58 pm

I thought of coming with up a blog named “Colors  & Promises”, for that reflects my present state of mind but there are already two blogs that go by that name on the  major blogging sites. So I’m going to stick to this old sack and renovate it according to my flickering state of mind and bit the idea of staying anonymous, goodbye. Since, by the time your pseudonym/nickname/chat alias grows more than 5 yrs old ,your either encounter your virtual buddies in real life or your forget that you can shed your walls before them . The formality, the diplomacy, the phase of coming to terms with “who you were that they once knew and who you are now“ draws in.

 I have like an hour before the midnight mass. We having a  party after it! @ of village kiddos, youthos and pandu-logos. I can’t picture myself to be anywhere else but either Bassein or Goa especially in Christmas season @ India. These places have the feeeeeel of this eve and season. These are ‘the’ places to be. Well, if not for the turmoil that goes on in me I should have been in immense happy state with Christmas bells, cribs, the spine of wearing short dress in cold-cilly wind accompanied by towering heels and crying foul over how the roads aren’t heels-friendly, houses carrying the looks of restaurants (thanks to that cheap Chinese lighting) and last and not the least the happy-shiny people around me. But somehow I love complications and end up complicating things for myself and p-eople around me. I wanted to write some stuff to this particular entity whose behavioral patterns has always made tons of difference to the person I was .All of that entity’s actions somehow still do. I don’t know why. I’m not even sure if I want to know, for tons of other people have been included in the journey of life but still this particular entity, thou hasn’t been around has still impinge me in ways I never thought would happen to me. I wanted to copy-paste in some stuff I had in my e-diary here. But I’m not sure if that would be appropriate, considering the fact that IN THE END what I felt before doesn’t matter, what am feeling now at this very moment is what counts and soon it will be invalid, in accordance with change in time, space, place, entities in question and my attitude towards the entire thing or instance. I need to power this down before somebody bombards my ear for being late.

Aqua Regia

All she did was to concentrate hard on food while she went on and on about “divorce”. Dissolution of marriage by aqua regia… okeyyy registered @ kopadi(brain). Thou she concentrated over each particle in her plate, she couldn't remember what she eat but she did remember the angle in which the fork was bended in by the time she was done with it. After that her mother left for aunts' place and heard sis grumbling about Dad won’t be turning up tomorrow. They prolly have put on enough of act for years together, killing individual happiness for sake of children and society. Everybody has the right to stay happy, “halalofying” self everyday isn’t the way out. It seems like it’s the rage that has taken over these species. It controls her the most. So probably it’s okey to go separate ways. 

While on bed staring at radium-stars . . . they twinkled( yes,they do.. when she  blinks blinks..let her believe they do . . .  ), staring at the  lyrics of human relationships in the crescent moon . . .somebody in her head whispered “Make a wish . . .”.   

قائمة التشغيل :

Ø  Tonight  ~ Enrique Iglesias

Ø  Sad Eyes ~ Enrique Iglesias

Ø  A Thousand Miles ~ Venessa Carlton 

:)

Dobeche ar suga obso namjadurui maum
Wonhar ten anjeno da juni ijie tonande

Ironjog choumirago nonun thugbyorhadonun

Gu marur midosso nengen hengbogiosso

Marur haji guresso nega shirhojyoda go...

Nunchiga obnun nan nur bochegiman hesso

Yojaui chaghan bonnungur iyong hajinum marajwo

Irohge himdurgo oryourjur mollasso

Norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guri urgoya

Sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika

Nododa yepun yoja manna henboghage jar sarmyon othoge

Nan irohge himdunde himduro jugenunde

Acidic specie.... visualizes popping the bubbles

“Learn to say ‘no’

before the bubble solution that you throw up, drowns you in it.”,

I said to myself.

Over taxing is taking toll on me.

It had just been 3 hrs between the time I hit the bed and was out of it.

I woke up to the bangs of mom over the door and a big blow from my sis on my back.

I don’t remember when was the last time anybody woke me up with anything close to a big good morning smile. All they wake me up with, is a frown. Getting me out of bed is a theory of constraints in itself still! Com’on I at least deserve something closer to a humane wake up call. The way my mom or sis wakes her up is  like BMC worker with the broom or the police waking the house-less species sleeping on pavements.

I have been throwing up some sort of bubbly solution every time I get out of the bed.

I feel so acidic; it has to be either coz of less sleeping hrs put into practice or oversleeping. Previously it was out of oversleeping; now it is coz of been deprived of Neendi (sleeping) hrs due to varied range of reasons put together.

A sick headache, feeling of cloud of cough down my throat, sometimes even breathlessness precedes the act of throwing up of the bubbly solution. This is one of the morning rituals I have been force to follow by my system from past few months. I end up shouting. “Maaaamaaa, Am I am feeling acidic, ma head is spinning” and mom  will be like “Pori, time var zopayeche nahi then what on earth you expect to happen? Manasane kase timema var ….blah blah blah…did you drink water in the entire night? Abc abc abc.” All those words just fall on my eardrums like some random alphabets put together, I just want her to stop talking…either way when there is that violent headache + toxic feeling rising to my throat …… all things, species around me seems get merged into the  background….it feels no relation or sense of belonging or being in that environment. I can feel each pipeline (read as vein and artery) talking to me…each persona I wanna not think about in my  conscious self ,  flashes in dizzy eyes.

I  get to the copper jug, place ma hand on it… disillusioned fuzzy, gulp like 5-6 glasses of water. Drink drink drink… till it feels like all the pipelines within me gonna give up and then drunkard pace towards bathroom… bend over and there it goes ,water with some sort of bubbles over it. If not so feeble I might bend over to get a inch from my nose closer look at it. Left on bathroom floor is some sort of bubbles… my eyes picture popping them pop…. pop ... I wish we could just pop the bubble of person we don’t wanna think about. Won’t it be easy moving on… forgetting promises, no yearning for the past, no dreamland no scotland, no ‘Yes’ . . . just let go . . . . . . .cut " e " out of emotion and set it in motion..isn't it an invitation to numbness . . .turning one's smile into a beautiful lie. . . ;)

Coming  back to the bubbly solution on the bathroom floor , I ask myself…

 Am I such an acidic being?

Am I so toxic that if gulped by any other specie, it would die outta acidity  :O

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Symptoms_of_acidosis.svg

On a voyage called Life…

She tries to keep away from the superfluous elements.
Can one term them superfluous?
It’s said Every persona and instances in life are designed to teach you a lesson..
Never regret what you did, Never cry over what’s gone
for it’s not gonna change
update you journal of life,
Learn what you were en routed to, cherish the process, memories and move on. . .

She wants to break free,
Break free . . .
From bonds of blood relations,
To the bonds formed out of physical urges.
From bonds that leech on her,
To the bonds that turn her into what she isn’t.
From the bonds that drag her to where she doesn’t wanna be,
To the one’s that drive her to do what she won’t do in her conscious self.

All she wants is wing. . .


Waiting from the new life to embrace her.
But is this journey towards self-improvement?
Towards a new self?
Nope, it’s about self-discovery.
In order to find one’s best. . .
One has to walk the path of inner discovery rather than outer change.
We are perfect at our core, it’s about shedding the outer layers to get to the prefect self.Yes! She is perfect. She will get to “her-self”.

~Wanna tell you everything by saying nothing~

She holds the pen and flips the pages,
She realizes that she has so much to tell you,
Yet the thoughts never materialize into words.
Seasons are changing
Waves are crashing...
Drowning in the pit she dug for herself…
Every time she tries to rise,
It floats upon the surface of the darkness, in which she is drowning,
pbbly sorrows know how to swim and agony knows her guild.
Can she burn the maze she grew?
Can she, don’t think so…
The intricacy of the game is defeating her,
It’s leaving several questions unanswered . . .
Hope she finds a way to tell you everything by saying nothing. . .

She, a bubble and you ...

In that bubble,
protected from the trouble.
She was happy and glad,
floating through the sea in her own glee . . .
In her hallowed territory for dreamers, dreams la la la
With you as its guardian angel . . .
Carrying her in a tiny shiny ball, blowing it all the while . . .
Singing a lullaby with your charcoal treated voice.
Up in air la la la la…

With your game of keeping her up in air while you have your potty break you blew her bubble high high high . . . whoosh ...she went la la la . . .
Happy seeing similar territories craved by other bubble blowers … curious about the other bubble blowers. . . tring ring ring. . .
All the while thinking she did tell you how it was out there… how it was to be blown by a snow flake blower.
You warned her, you shouted, that 0.64852 milliliter of blood, you did all you could to stop her . . .
She didn’t know when her fling with the snow flake bubble blower turned into an addiction . . .
Blown by other bubble blower she went up ,up up in air……. ra ra ra ra. . .
All the while she did notice the snow flaked bubble blower was sucking a part of her…her bubble was reducing . . .*crying she went searching for her guardian bubble blower*
You gave her a look from corner of his eye . . .all the while blowing Turkish Spanish zululu bubbles . . .la la la To be continued...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What you want to be in your future?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Well I always had different answers at each point of life and every time I did try to implement those dreams/infatuations/reality with all my passion.

It ranged from teacher(implementation: teaching my dolls ), Surgeon( the effect lasted till I was watching some serial called Sanjivani ) , well surgeon was the only thing that came to my mind after scoring good marks in 10th but for that I was suppose to take biology as one of my subjects. Biology was definitely not the problem but Marathi/Hindi as one of the compulsory language which ended up with biology was something i didn’t approve of much at that moment, after discussing with friends which subjects to take we scrolled it down on PCM(Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics), English, Computer Science. Now only reason for turning to pursing a deg in Computer Science was my HSC (12th ) computer science marks 180/200. Just finished with my final year Bachelor’s exam, vacations are on. According to the flow of things, am suppose to purse my master’s in IT/computer Science. And here am thinking about Indian Govt. Spy/Agent/War Zone Journalism/ RAW and stuff . :D

Action –movie effect???

Another infatuation/dream world kind of thing???

Too much of Nacy Drew/Harry Boy’s in teens???

That’s what you would ask me …Na it isn’t !!!

The extend to which I am taking this thing seriously is :

--->Started learning Kashmiri language, surfing about Pashto (Didn’t encounter any Afgani yet so its limited to textual stuff). :D

--->Watching Maulana Masood Azhar (Chief of JeM) videos.

Maulana Masood Azhar(Chief of JeM): One of my friend said any one who hears to him turns jehadi , don’t know about turning jehadi but I can guarantee you won’t be able to sleep, not coz of the content he is talking on (coz I found it illogical on second thought) but coz he chillav’s(shouts) like some weirdo),peace out man we know everything is in danger including people’s sleep when you open your mouth!!!

--->Surfing for hours about RAW/Indian Govt Agents/Spies(one fishy aspects about RAW is it maintains such a amazing low profile, there are barely any articles on it)(tried searching all possible combination of words/sentences did encounter a lot but nothing enough to find a way directly into it expect for IPS, Army and yea those RAW agents if by default they find you enough useful might contact you by themselves….now how on earth they going to contact this girl who they don’t know even exist!!!)

http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Community.aspx?cmm=10078042 this is one community that makes sense. At least it gives you some hopes :D. Well my Aunty is like nice dream but just 20% practical…well here I tried telling her its 40% practical. Coz you neva know where life’s gonna take you!;) well nahi toa (or else ) MCA/MSc IT and one fat salary , marry to some creature of mom dad’s choice and stay like some susantrukt-sabya bahu(good daughter-in-law)…what the heck!! I can’t image myself there. Huh!

--->Poking my nose into cyber law/hacking/ some paki chat rooms not direct field officer then at least through tech department(ETS) some way in…hehe crazyness simplified!

The funny thing is if you click on the wikipedia link for this, it gives an article of barely 4 lines. I guess the ETS guys believe its better that the thieves do not know where the police is.

Well Pakistani Chat Rooms on various messengers are one interesting part in this virtual webbed world, you might encounter some Talibani creature …well I enjoy arguing with these creatures.

Sectarian Conflicts in Pakistan are reflected in their chat rooms too.

Yea not to mention ever try saying something like “Your pak is anywayz splitting into pieces, try to join in that first rather than indulging in destroying the fabric of your neighbor.” There is like 90% possibility of someone shouting from there “Inshallah Balochistan aazad jarrur hoga.””Balochistan zindabad” ;)

.--->Downloading some AK-47 named e-books just with the curiosity of seeing how it functions. Pakistan Press Alerts/ Media is one more art of friction. You might have come across that video on you tube which had one of the MLA’s of Pakistan saying that WTC attack was planned and executed by US itself on one of its national channel.lol

I don’t know what whether my dream rather passion of working for my country will come true or not, but this weirdness of me talking to jehadi attitude people and surfing through dozens of sites on terrorist/ terrorism/ Pakistan/ Afghanistan might turn me into one jEhAdI !!! lol

Pls note: Here the word “jehad” is in context with what Pakistani militants+ all the anti-humanity creatures define jehad as.