Acidic specie.... visualizes popping the bubbles

“Learn to say ‘no’

before the bubble solution that you throw up, drowns you in it.”,

I said to myself.

Over taxing is taking toll on me.

It had just been 3 hrs between the time I hit the bed and was out of it.

I woke up to the bangs of mom over the door and a big blow from my sis on my back.

I don’t remember when was the last time anybody woke me up with anything close to a big good morning smile. All they wake me up with, is a frown. Getting me out of bed is a theory of constraints in itself still! Com’on I at least deserve something closer to a humane wake up call. The way my mom or sis wakes her up is  like BMC worker with the broom or the police waking the house-less species sleeping on pavements.

I have been throwing up some sort of bubbly solution every time I get out of the bed.

I feel so acidic; it has to be either coz of less sleeping hrs put into practice or oversleeping. Previously it was out of oversleeping; now it is coz of been deprived of Neendi (sleeping) hrs due to varied range of reasons put together.

A sick headache, feeling of cloud of cough down my throat, sometimes even breathlessness precedes the act of throwing up of the bubbly solution. This is one of the morning rituals I have been force to follow by my system from past few months. I end up shouting. “Maaaamaaa, Am I am feeling acidic, ma head is spinning” and mom  will be like “Pori, time var zopayeche nahi then what on earth you expect to happen? Manasane kase timema var ….blah blah blah…did you drink water in the entire night? Abc abc abc.” All those words just fall on my eardrums like some random alphabets put together, I just want her to stop talking…either way when there is that violent headache + toxic feeling rising to my throat …… all things, species around me seems get merged into the  background….it feels no relation or sense of belonging or being in that environment. I can feel each pipeline (read as vein and artery) talking to me…each persona I wanna not think about in my  conscious self ,  flashes in dizzy eyes.

I  get to the copper jug, place ma hand on it… disillusioned fuzzy, gulp like 5-6 glasses of water. Drink drink drink… till it feels like all the pipelines within me gonna give up and then drunkard pace towards bathroom… bend over and there it goes ,water with some sort of bubbles over it. If not so feeble I might bend over to get a inch from my nose closer look at it. Left on bathroom floor is some sort of bubbles… my eyes picture popping them pop…. pop ... I wish we could just pop the bubble of person we don’t wanna think about. Won’t it be easy moving on… forgetting promises, no yearning for the past, no dreamland no scotland, no ‘Yes’ . . . just let go . . . . . . .cut " e " out of emotion and set it in motion..isn't it an invitation to numbness . . .turning one's smile into a beautiful lie. . . ;)

Coming  back to the bubbly solution on the bathroom floor , I ask myself…

 Am I such an acidic being?

Am I so toxic that if gulped by any other specie, it would die outta acidity  :O

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Symptoms_of_acidosis.svg

On a voyage called Life…

She tries to keep away from the superfluous elements.
Can one term them superfluous?
It’s said Every persona and instances in life are designed to teach you a lesson..
Never regret what you did, Never cry over what’s gone
for it’s not gonna change
update you journal of life,
Learn what you were en routed to, cherish the process, memories and move on. . .

She wants to break free,
Break free . . .
From bonds of blood relations,
To the bonds formed out of physical urges.
From bonds that leech on her,
To the bonds that turn her into what she isn’t.
From the bonds that drag her to where she doesn’t wanna be,
To the one’s that drive her to do what she won’t do in her conscious self.

All she wants is wing. . .


Waiting from the new life to embrace her.
But is this journey towards self-improvement?
Towards a new self?
Nope, it’s about self-discovery.
In order to find one’s best. . .
One has to walk the path of inner discovery rather than outer change.
We are perfect at our core, it’s about shedding the outer layers to get to the prefect self.Yes! She is perfect. She will get to “her-self”.

~Wanna tell you everything by saying nothing~

She holds the pen and flips the pages,
She realizes that she has so much to tell you,
Yet the thoughts never materialize into words.
Seasons are changing
Waves are crashing...
Drowning in the pit she dug for herself…
Every time she tries to rise,
It floats upon the surface of the darkness, in which she is drowning,
pbbly sorrows know how to swim and agony knows her guild.
Can she burn the maze she grew?
Can she, don’t think so…
The intricacy of the game is defeating her,
It’s leaving several questions unanswered . . .
Hope she finds a way to tell you everything by saying nothing. . .

She, a bubble and you ...

In that bubble,
protected from the trouble.
She was happy and glad,
floating through the sea in her own glee . . .
In her hallowed territory for dreamers, dreams la la la
With you as its guardian angel . . .
Carrying her in a tiny shiny ball, blowing it all the while . . .
Singing a lullaby with your charcoal treated voice.
Up in air la la la la…

With your game of keeping her up in air while you have your potty break you blew her bubble high high high . . . whoosh ...she went la la la . . .
Happy seeing similar territories craved by other bubble blowers … curious about the other bubble blowers. . . tring ring ring. . .
All the while thinking she did tell you how it was out there… how it was to be blown by a snow flake blower.
You warned her, you shouted, that 0.64852 milliliter of blood, you did all you could to stop her . . .
She didn’t know when her fling with the snow flake bubble blower turned into an addiction . . .
Blown by other bubble blower she went up ,up up in air……. ra ra ra ra. . .
All the while she did notice the snow flaked bubble blower was sucking a part of her…her bubble was reducing . . .*crying she went searching for her guardian bubble blower*
You gave her a look from corner of his eye . . .all the while blowing Turkish Spanish zululu bubbles . . .la la la To be continued...

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What you want to be in your future?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Well I always had different answers at each point of life and every time I did try to implement those dreams/infatuations/reality with all my passion.

It ranged from teacher(implementation: teaching my dolls ), Surgeon( the effect lasted till I was watching some serial called Sanjivani ) , well surgeon was the only thing that came to my mind after scoring good marks in 10th but for that I was suppose to take biology as one of my subjects. Biology was definitely not the problem but Marathi/Hindi as one of the compulsory language which ended up with biology was something i didn’t approve of much at that moment, after discussing with friends which subjects to take we scrolled it down on PCM(Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics), English, Computer Science. Now only reason for turning to pursing a deg in Computer Science was my HSC (12th ) computer science marks 180/200. Just finished with my final year Bachelor’s exam, vacations are on. According to the flow of things, am suppose to purse my master’s in IT/computer Science. And here am thinking about Indian Govt. Spy/Agent/War Zone Journalism/ RAW and stuff . :D

Action –movie effect???

Another infatuation/dream world kind of thing???

Too much of Nacy Drew/Harry Boy’s in teens???

That’s what you would ask me …Na it isn’t !!!

The extend to which I am taking this thing seriously is :

--->Started learning Kashmiri language, surfing about Pashto (Didn’t encounter any Afgani yet so its limited to textual stuff). :D

--->Watching Maulana Masood Azhar (Chief of JeM) videos.

Maulana Masood Azhar(Chief of JeM): One of my friend said any one who hears to him turns jehadi , don’t know about turning jehadi but I can guarantee you won’t be able to sleep, not coz of the content he is talking on (coz I found it illogical on second thought) but coz he chillav’s(shouts) like some weirdo),peace out man we know everything is in danger including people’s sleep when you open your mouth!!!

--->Surfing for hours about RAW/Indian Govt Agents/Spies(one fishy aspects about RAW is it maintains such a amazing low profile, there are barely any articles on it)(tried searching all possible combination of words/sentences did encounter a lot but nothing enough to find a way directly into it expect for IPS, Army and yea those RAW agents if by default they find you enough useful might contact you by themselves….now how on earth they going to contact this girl who they don’t know even exist!!!)

http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Community.aspx?cmm=10078042 this is one community that makes sense. At least it gives you some hopes :D. Well my Aunty is like nice dream but just 20% practical…well here I tried telling her its 40% practical. Coz you neva know where life’s gonna take you!;) well nahi toa (or else ) MCA/MSc IT and one fat salary , marry to some creature of mom dad’s choice and stay like some susantrukt-sabya bahu(good daughter-in-law)…what the heck!! I can’t image myself there. Huh!

--->Poking my nose into cyber law/hacking/ some paki chat rooms not direct field officer then at least through tech department(ETS) some way in…hehe crazyness simplified!

The funny thing is if you click on the wikipedia link for this, it gives an article of barely 4 lines. I guess the ETS guys believe its better that the thieves do not know where the police is.

Well Pakistani Chat Rooms on various messengers are one interesting part in this virtual webbed world, you might encounter some Talibani creature …well I enjoy arguing with these creatures.

Sectarian Conflicts in Pakistan are reflected in their chat rooms too.

Yea not to mention ever try saying something like “Your pak is anywayz splitting into pieces, try to join in that first rather than indulging in destroying the fabric of your neighbor.” There is like 90% possibility of someone shouting from there “Inshallah Balochistan aazad jarrur hoga.””Balochistan zindabad” ;)

.--->Downloading some AK-47 named e-books just with the curiosity of seeing how it functions. Pakistan Press Alerts/ Media is one more art of friction. You might have come across that video on you tube which had one of the MLA’s of Pakistan saying that WTC attack was planned and executed by US itself on one of its national channel.lol

I don’t know what whether my dream rather passion of working for my country will come true or not, but this weirdness of me talking to jehadi attitude people and surfing through dozens of sites on terrorist/ terrorism/ Pakistan/ Afghanistan might turn me into one jEhAdI !!! lol

Pls note: Here the word “jehad” is in context with what Pakistani militants+ all the anti-humanity creatures define jehad as.